They cannot understand and express their emotions in words. It is difficult for them to distinguish anger from sadness or fear. Psychologists call this state Alexithimia. Every sixth of us suffers from her.
“I am delighted with famous writers: they can paint on entire pages of experiencing their heroes,” says 36-year-old novel. – For me, this is a completely different world, not like mine. I often cannot describe in words what my soul is “.
The concept of “Alexitimia” arose in the 1970s. It is formed from the Greek “Lexis” (speak) and “Timos” (feeling). Maurice Korcos, a children’s psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, expert of the French Psychologies, believes that this is a big problem of our time: “Our society sacrifices emotions to the stereotypical symbols. Smile is enough for us to describe our condition. Emotions became two -dimensional “.
How Alexitimiy manifests itself?
I don’t understand how I feel
Alexitimiy is characterized by confusion in sensations. Psychologist Olivier Lumin, co -author of the book “Alexitimiy”, explains: “A person cannot clearly share his feelings – say, anger from fear and joy from shame. When feelings are raging inside, he cannot accurately determine his condition, and it bothers him “. One of the reasons for this is in education. “In some families, talking about feelings is not accepted or even considered a bad form,” explains the psychotherapist Catherine Emele-Perissol.
I don’t like what I feel
“A person with Alexitimia is experiencing more negative feelings than positive,” Olivier Lumina notes. – These experiences are strong, painful, they can confuse and scare him “.
Why talk about what is angry?
“Especially when this is a consequence of a mental trauma,” continues Maurice Korcos. – A wall grows inside a person that protects him from emotions that can revive the memory of a painful event. “. And this is also the result of confusion. “A person cannot draw a border between the external (event) and internal (his sensations). Talking about pain for him is like experiencing her again. This is a protective mechanism that acts automatically “.
I don’t know what to think about my emotions
“A physical sensation does not give birth to emotions and cannot lead to the formation of experiences, and with it – thoughts,” explains Maurice Corcos. Where does this imaginary barrier come from? “The first children’s sensations are first interpreted by the mother,” the psychoanalyst recalls. – It is she who gives them meaning, putting them into words (“You must be hungry or afraid”) and responding to them with gestures and eyes ”. If the child does not receive a response or
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the response turns out to be inadequate, the emotion loses its connection with the aim. Then why talk about her?
What can be done?
Find words
Catherine Emele-Exol recalls that “emotion is primarily recorded in the body before getting a mental display that can be translated into words. But there are certain words that speak of our spiritual states. Look for those that seem suitable to you without trying to explain your choice. “Reading” emotions can begin with simple concepts – for example, “depressed”, “drooping”, when it comes to sadness, and “boiling”, “indignant” when it comes to anger.
Free the body
In order to better see the connection between words and feelings, Olivier Lumine advises using non -verbal techniques: “Psychotelic practices are very effective: muscle relaxation makes the body more supple and unlock the sensations;Hypnosis, an altered state of consciousness can help a person understand his feelings and express them more accurately “.
Personal experience
Anna, 38 years old
“I didn’t think about my feelings. They seemed strangers. But then I tried to meditate. Before that, the body was just a life machine for me. I learned to pay attention to breathing, listening to sensations – during a session, but also on a walk or during the preparation of lunch. I trained for a long time to realize what is happening inside. And I seemed to have opened a new, previously unfamiliar connection with the body. Sometimes it’s still difficult for me to talk about my emotions. But I think I tamed them after all “.