Whatever marriage and whatever the reasons for parting are, the breakdown is always a painful period, and for both sides. How to help yourself, when it seems that there is nothing to breathe, and the earth leaves from under the feet? Tips of the psychotherapist Terry Gaspar.
Experience of a divorce is a topic with which psychotherapists come quite often. Sometimes a specialist directs the client to the support group, where participants who have passed through a painful breakdown of relations share stories and support each other. Psychotherapist Terry Gaspar works with adult customers who have survived a divorce, and with children injured by a divorce of parents. She wrote a book based on practice and interviews with 320 women who survived the divorce of parents in childhood and grew up with this injury.
“When the marriage breaks up, it is quite natural to experience anger, sadness, guilt, regret and even relief,” writes Terry Gaspar, “destructive thoughts can take possession of you, because, trying to reconcile with changes in life, you become especially vulnerable. It is important to remember that all these feelings are normal “.
Most people after a divorce pass this period of reflection and experiences. He himself is therapeutic and necessary for restoration. The problem is that such experiences can “tighten” us for a long time and eventually turn into a depressive state, depriving us of the opportunity to move on.
The psychotherapist emphasizes: divorce can be traumatic for the one from whom they leave, and for the initiator of the gap. If the first experiences negative emotions due to the fact that he was rejected, then the second is a feeling of guilt. They both must survive this stage, go through the grief.
“Sorrow, we accept the fact that the marriage is the end. This is a necessary part of the grief, ”the psychotherapist explains. She gives seven tips on how to survive a divorce.
1.Accept your feelings about parting and do not judge yourself
You have the right to experience absolutely any feelings: anger, fear, guilt. Tears can relieve stress and help the healing process of mental wounds. A sharp attack of sadness and sudden tears are normal – the feeling of relief may follow them.
2.Realize why the relationship is over
It is important to clarify and accept your role in the breakdown of the relationship. You should not get hung up on these thoughts, but the understanding of what happened will help not to repeat this scenario in the future, in a new relationship.
3.Take up sports and eat correctly
You care about your physical and emotional state? If not, develop a plan. It is necessary to monitor your well -being, regularly perform physical exercises, eat balancedly, sleep enough hours. Make a priority.
4.Forgive yourself
Focus on that you can control. The past is not subject to you, but you can start letting go of resentment. Try to forgive yourself and the former partner – or at least accept him or her behavior. If you succeed, the “offender” will no
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longer be in power over you. A psychotherapist or support groups can help in this difficult matter.
5.Try to perceive the completed relationships as a lesson
Loss helps us a lot to learn about ourselves. Thanks to this, we can enter into a new relationship “with wide eyes”. The fact that your marriage has broken up does not mean that something is wrong with you. Take a break, let yourself relax.
6.Do not stay alone with you for too long
At first it may not be easy to be next to others, but you will have to slowly force yourself to accept invitations to parties. Start with something simple-for example, go with a friend to the movie.
7.Try something new
Think about what will make you go beyond your comfort zone. Determine a new lesson, preferably as non -banal and exciting as possible. And be sure to invite a friend to you to join you.